Understanding Twilight

For geek guys who can't get into the Twilight book series, I've written this translation. It seems damn clear to me after watching the movie that it's just an elaboration on the earlier classic The Guild:

Bella Swan (quiet geek girl with stalker boyfriend) = Codex
Edward Cullen (developmentally disabled stalker) = Zaboo
Carlisle Cullen (adopted virtual father figure) = Vork
Alice Cullen (confused twit) = Clara
Rosalie Hale (geek hating geek girl) = Tinkerballa
James (obnoxious closet male model with ninja skillzz) = Bladezz
Nike House i.e. the Cullen house = Cheesybeards

I'm assuming Victoria will become Zaboo's mother in the Twilight sequel, and Jacob Black shapeshifts into Wade the stunt double/hot neighbor in that movie.