The Villainous Conspiracy

This is just a little something Lowell Francis sent to me and Art to amuse us. Enjoy!:

Being the transcript of the most recent meeting of the Villainous Cabal who controls everything.

VANDAL SAVAGE

"Good morning Gentlemen and welcome to the quarterly meeting of the Villainous Conspiracy. I hope you've reviewed the minutes of the previous meeting. Unless there are an objections, I'd like to move to approve those minutes."

RĀ’S AL GHŪL

"I'd like to correct the record. Following our discussion of the destruction of Black Adam's forces, I did not say 'bwa-hahahahahahha…', I would like to amend that to strike that or to simply show that it was a slight laugh.

GRODD

I recall that you were standing on the table when you did that.

RĀ’S AL GHŪL

I don't remember it that way.

THE BRAIN

Been in the Lazarus Pit lately? I would accept fiendish cackle.

[Votes on amendment, so passes].

VANDAL SAVAGE

I'd like to move to the first order of business, an inventory of superhumans available.

ECLIPSO

Thank you Mr. Chairman, as of the last census, we currently have 35 metahumans under my control. Thirteen among our inner circle, ten hidden from the world, six under strong control in our Justice League, two in the Justice League but simply co-opted, and three in the Scranton branch office.

DR. SIVANA

Only three?

ECLIPSO

Yes. Red Tornado was blown up when we sent evil Detective Chimp against him.

T.O. MORROW

HE WAS A PROTOTYPE! STOP LOOKING AT ME.

VANDAL SAVAGE

Moving on, we need to assess the capabilities of this quarter's created beings to see if they fall under the minion or super category. As you know we have one slot available for metahumans following Red Tornado's, er, death. Based on our last meeting, that will be filled by Chemo.

GRODD

Is that the giant chemical factory thing? How are we dealing with the PR on that?

T.O. MORROW

We could say he cures cancer.

DR. PSYCHO

I move that Morrow doesn't get to speak again.

VANDAL SAVAGE

As I was saying, we have no slots for new super-beings. Any labeled as such at this meeting will have to be suspended or destroyed. First, we have Naga's new Lizard-Human super soldier hybrids.

LORD NAGA

(sssss) They've actually quite weak… (ssss)

FELIX FAUST

But they spit venom? And have the strength of five ordinary men…and scale armor…and lightning reflexes.

LORD NAGA

(sssss) They get sluggish unless I keep them under heat lamps…. (ssss)

GRODD

Motion to register Lord Naga's new snake-soldiers as minions.

(Approved)

VANDAL SAVAGE

Next, we have T.O. Morrow's new robot soldiers…

DR. PSYCHO

Minions.

T.O. MORROW

Wait…they're very, very powerful….

GRODD

Minions.

(Approved)

VANDAL SAVAGE

Finally we has Prof. Ivo's new creation, Amazo.

PROFESSOR IVO

It really doesn't do much. More of a toy.

DR. SIVANA

What does it do…?

PROFESSOR IVO

(unintelligible muttering)

RHAS A GHUL

Could you repeat that?

PROFESSOR IVO

It copies the powers of any and all superbeings.

THE BRAIN

Ivo, you really are an idiot.

PROFESSOR IVO

At least I don't create gorilla love slaves. No offense, Grodd.

THE BRAIN

Leave Monsiuer Mallah out of this.

RHAS A GHUL

Motion to destroy.

(approved).

VANDAL SAVAGE

I believe that's all the business this week, be sure to try the macaroons I baked on the way out.